Stuck in a rut
I kinda got inspired for this post by Vixen's latest entry.
Not that I didn't already know that my life was prone to ruttage, I just think that I am comfortable with accepting it now. One glorious step forward and two mind blowing steps back. You would think maybe just maybe I would learn from all of my experiences but I guess if I am experiencing this all over again, I missed the lesson.
What brought on this epiphany? Could have been the parental wake-up call last weekend or is it bitter realization of reality? My best guess if I had to take one is that my birthday is coming up (like two weeks away) and instead of just taking it in stride, I am going down the more morose path. Yeah, the one where I sit back and guilt myself into thinking that I haven't done enough. I probably haven't done enough. Right now I am in this cycle of vicious loathing of my job but a sense of duty to fufill the obligations I have set forth (most importantly not skipping out on my lease early). Would I like to move? Hell yeah. But I cannot rationalize a move to a new city without some sort of guarantee of income. I just couldn't shoulder the debt that I would be swimming in. For right now I am applying to jobs and hoping for the best. There isn't much more I can do. I can't just up and leave my job and think I could make it. No way. I would have to pick up three jobs and then risk the sake of my health to leave this resume booster. At the beginning of May or most likely beginning of June when my lease is up, I want out. Out of this town of empty promise. School acceptance or not, I don't think I can live in this town any more.
To put the cherry on top of this misery sundae I have to add that things at home are in an upheaval too. The bf was able to get more hours (big yay!) but they treat him like uber scum at his retail pit job and we both come home with crappy work stories. Not to mention we're on totally different schedules (me 8-5, him 12-10) which makes for lots of fun indeed. I used to work at the same retail pit that he did but had to quit so I could work for the man (b/c the man only lets you have one job during certain parts of the year). The bf's boss told him absolutely no personal calls while at work and that I can't shop at that store anymore. Seems that my five minute stop to get keys or to drop off food when he doesn't get a break causes an issue. Well the boss has got another thing coming if I need the bf's car to get something done and he's at work. But that is another story all in itself.
Chock this one up to a pity party for me. I feel a bit better now but this is far from over. I got the sign I need to move, now I just need the means to do so.
Not that I didn't already know that my life was prone to ruttage, I just think that I am comfortable with accepting it now. One glorious step forward and two mind blowing steps back. You would think maybe just maybe I would learn from all of my experiences but I guess if I am experiencing this all over again, I missed the lesson.
What brought on this epiphany? Could have been the parental wake-up call last weekend or is it bitter realization of reality? My best guess if I had to take one is that my birthday is coming up (like two weeks away) and instead of just taking it in stride, I am going down the more morose path. Yeah, the one where I sit back and guilt myself into thinking that I haven't done enough. I probably haven't done enough. Right now I am in this cycle of vicious loathing of my job but a sense of duty to fufill the obligations I have set forth (most importantly not skipping out on my lease early). Would I like to move? Hell yeah. But I cannot rationalize a move to a new city without some sort of guarantee of income. I just couldn't shoulder the debt that I would be swimming in. For right now I am applying to jobs and hoping for the best. There isn't much more I can do. I can't just up and leave my job and think I could make it. No way. I would have to pick up three jobs and then risk the sake of my health to leave this resume booster. At the beginning of May or most likely beginning of June when my lease is up, I want out. Out of this town of empty promise. School acceptance or not, I don't think I can live in this town any more.
To put the cherry on top of this misery sundae I have to add that things at home are in an upheaval too. The bf was able to get more hours (big yay!) but they treat him like uber scum at his retail pit job and we both come home with crappy work stories. Not to mention we're on totally different schedules (me 8-5, him 12-10) which makes for lots of fun indeed. I used to work at the same retail pit that he did but had to quit so I could work for the man (b/c the man only lets you have one job during certain parts of the year). The bf's boss told him absolutely no personal calls while at work and that I can't shop at that store anymore. Seems that my five minute stop to get keys or to drop off food when he doesn't get a break causes an issue. Well the boss has got another thing coming if I need the bf's car to get something done and he's at work. But that is another story all in itself.
Chock this one up to a pity party for me. I feel a bit better now but this is far from over. I got the sign I need to move, now I just need the means to do so.
Midnite Raven said it at 1:16 PM
1 Comments:
Nike is a goddess not a god. You need to just do it. It will make you feel so much better. Your runt and self-loathing are not going to stop till you make the changes you need. Your young and you have no kids so the pits of retail in a new city are completely doable while you find a permanent gig. I'm routing for you. Don't let the glums pity you into obilivion. Your stronger then that and if you aren't well hell fake it!
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