Finally Friday

What a week! I survived the GRE and now can move forward with the application process to my school of choice. That's a huge relief that words don't even come close to explaining. I also realize I have been terribly reticent on making any updates. Well with the shake ups at work that started last week, this place has been rather hectic.

Right now I am supposed to be packing my desk and you can see how well that is going, lol. Even though I should be ecstatically happy about getting the GRE done and moving to a new job and yadda yadda I am in a pretty good slump right now. I wish I could figure out what it is or figure out how to better deal with the things I know won't or can't change right now. Eh, that is for a later time.

Plans are also coming together to have a family Thanksgiving feast here in the capital city. Nothing more than I know my family is coming has really made headlines but as we are on the cusp of November, I expect big things to get rolling.

November. Jeeze, it seems like this year has flown by. How that happened I have no idea. As I get older, I really am amazed by the way in which time passes. Reality has a way of speeding by and your mind is like a stretched rubber band in slow motion. The snap back action doesn't catch up for a few seconds.

I really have to get packing now, sorry for the short moment with Raven. I'll try and get better. Grad school app should be done by Nov 1 so things will settle down then. ::fingers crossed::

wtf! TGIF my ass

New job, more responsibility, better recognition in exchange for smaller cubicle, so-so staff, same amount of money. This sucks. More to come later, I am way worked up about this.

Today's Thought

We must be able to let things happen in the psyche. For us, this actually is an art of which few people know anything. Consciousness is forever interfering, helping, correcting, and negating, and never leaving the simple growth of the psychic processes in peace. It would be simple enough, if only simplicity were not the most difficult of all things.

Carl Jung

Forgetting how to have fun

It is official: I don't know how to kick back and have fun. Sounds foolish, right? Hard to believe because of my wicked sense of humor you say. Well it is true. Though some of you have even seen me having fun, true as that may be I am unable to initiate fun. Strange isn't it?

What is truly weird is where it happened along the way. How did I suddenly go from happy little kid to adult who can't have fun? I think this would be where Overachievers Anonymous would step in and call "Intervention"!

So you're probably wondering where all this is coming from. Well things are a bit hectic here and this is part of a revelation I had last night while pondering the fate of the universe. Ok well maybe it came around the time the bf said I've been a little high strung lately and needed to chill out. Ah, but the details of how or why are not important in this case. Biggest thing is I admitted the deep dark truth (sounds so ominous, lol).

Honestly my issue is that I am getting way too worked up about stuff that is going to happen with or without my control. Sure I am antsy about my test, who wouldn't be? I know that I am going to pass it with flying colors but the idea that it holds the key to my future is what trips my switch. Is it the be all and end all? Yes and no. I can definitely get a job to hold me over but I really want to go back to school. That's how it is yes and no.

There is a task force at work that is evaluating jobs as we move into a new administration. I've got the skills, I can handle a lot on my own, I am well respected, and the chances of getting fired are rare but I am still unsettled as to how things are going to proceed. Their habit of living moment to moment and keeping us out of the loop is a bit tiresome. When it all boils down to it, sure the people with the titles know what's what but those of us who have to make sure it all gets done so they look good still don't find out until the last minute.

I also have a little bit of concern with goings on of family further south in the state that I feel I have a need to assist. They're good for right now but I still have to check up on them. Speaking of family, I know people can relate to the stress in the coordination of holiday events. Believe it or not I wanted to plan early on just so that no one would get left out or feel slighted by the limitation of time and location. That kind of backfired on me and now I've got to wade through the fallout.

Supposedly as the more approachable one, I am fielding questions about the big "M", matters that the bf attends to and how I need to be more active in encouraging things that go on at the house. Imagine this coming from two directions and you've got yourself a slice of what I try to juggle.

Eh, enough whining for now. I have a whole lot more to be appreciative of other than the little nuisances along the way. The good stuff comes first, the rest is just details :)

Something I wanted to pass along

I recently received this anecdote in my email and wanted to share it with you guys:

Like most elementary schools, it was typical to have a parade of students in and out of the health clinic throughout the day. We dispensed ice for bumps and bruises, Band-Aids for cuts, and liberal doses of sympathy and hugs. As principal, my office was right next door to the clinic, so I often dropped in to lend a hand and help out with the hugs. I knew that for some kids, mine might be the only one they got all day. One morning I was putting a Band-Aid on a little girl's scraped knee. Her blonde hair was matted, and I noticed that she was shivering in her thin little sleeveless blouse. I found her a warm sweatshirt and helped her pull it on. "Thanks for taking care of me," she whispered as she climbed into my lap and snuggled up against me. It wasn't long after that when I ran across an unfamiliar lump under my arm. Cancer, an aggressively spreading kind, had already invaded thirteen of my lymph nodes. I pondered whether or not to tell the students about my diagnosis. The word breast seemed so hard to say out loud to them, and the word cancer seemed so frightening. When it became evident that the children were going to find out one way or another, either the straight scoop from me or possibly a garbled version from someone else, I decided to tell them myself. It wasn't easy to get the words out, but the empathy and concern I saw in their faces as I explained it to them told me I had made the right decision. When I gave them a chance to ask questions, they mostly wanted to know how they could help. I told them that what I would like best would be their letters, pictures and prayers. I stood by the gym door as the children solemnly filed out. My little blonde friend darted out of line and threw herself into my arms. Then she stepped back to look up into my face. "Don't be afraid, Dr. Perry," she said earnestly, "I know you'll be back because now it's our turn to take care of you." No one could have ever done a better job. The kids sent me off to my first chemotherapy session with a hilarious book of nausea remedies that they had written. A video of every class in the school singing get-well songs accompanied me to the next chemotherapy appointment. By the third visit, the nurses were waiting at the door to find out what I would bring next. It was a delicate music box that played "I Will Always Love You.." Even when I went into isolation at the hospital for a bone marrow transplant, the letters and pictures kept coming until they covered every wall of my room. Then the kids traced their hands onto colored paper, cut them out and glued them together to make a free standing rainbow of helping hands. "I feel like I've stepped into Disneyland every time I walk into this room," my doctor laughed. That was even before the six-foot apple blossom tree arrived adorned with messages written on paper apples from the students and teachers. What healing comfort I found in being surrounded by these tokens of their caring. At long last I was well enough to return to work. As I headed up the road to the school, I was suddenly overcome by doubts. What if the kids have forgotten all about me? I wondered, What if they don't want a skinny bald principal? What if . . . I caught sight of the school marquee as I rounded the bend. "Welcome Back, Dr. Perry," it read. As I drew closer, everywhere I looked were pink ribbons - ribbons in the windows, tied on the doorknobs, even up in the trees. The children and staff wore pink ribbons, too. My blonde buddy was first in line to greet me. "You're back, Dr. Perry, you're back!" she called. "See, I told you we'd take care of you!" As I hugged her tight, in the back of my mind I faintly heard my music box playing . . . "I will always love you."

Breast Cancer Stamp Booklet

It would be wonderful if 2004 were the year a cure for breast cancer was found!!!! The notion that we could raise $35 million by buying a book of stamps is powerful! As you may be aware, the US Postal Service recently released its new "Fund the Cure" stamp to help fund breast cancer research. The stamp was designed by Ethel Kessler of Bethesda, Maryland. It is important that we take a stand against this disease that affects so many of our Mothers, Sisters and Friends. Instead of the normal 37 cents for a stamp, this one costs 40 cents The additional 3 cents will go to breast cancer research. A "normal" book costs $7.40. This one is only $8.00. It takes a few minutes in line at the Post Office and means so much. If all stamps are sold, it will raise an additional $35,000,000 for this vital research. Just as important as the money is our support. What a statement it would make if the stamp outsold the lottery this week. What a statement it would make that we care. Please 1. Go out and purchase some of these stamps. 2. E-mail your friends to do the same. Many of us know women and their families whose lives are turned upside-down by breast cancer. It takes so little to do so much in this drive. We can all afford the $0.60.

Behold the Power of . . . .

Ok maybe there isn't any real magic to this whole thing but I did go and talk to the guys at the wireless store in person rather than play automated customer service. As soon as I explained the problem to them they said that stuff like this happens all of the time. To be honest, that does not instill much confidence in me. So since there hasn't been a paper bill actually mailed to my house yet, I can't do anything. I have the asst manager's card and his assurance that when the bill does show up I can bring it back into him and he'll fix it that day. For now I wait.

Kudos to the bf for fixing the errant fan that we thought was doa. Still no word from the landlord on how we're going to fix the other problems. All I can hope is that when we move to Orlando things are not this bad. You would think that you could get a better deal on 950sq ft than $650/mo. I guess it is just practice for home ownership. Who knows? I've got to go fix dinner. Catch you guys later.

Grunt Work

Today I have the distinct pleasure of going to our current wireless provider and letting them know they have fuxored our bill. Just less than a month ago we started phone shopping since our contract was running out. The bf found out that through his illustrious employer we can get a mondo deal with this new wireless provider. Well we went over and found cool phones and thought all was well. Of course the money worrier (yep that's me) had to suggest we look up the bill on line. Good thing we did because when they set up the plan seems that my phone is the only one that is on the plan while we're paying 45 cents a minute when he uses his phone. Great huh? It isn't like we don't have a 900 min plan that would have taken care of all the minutes we would both use. Instead the bill stands at a whopping $275. Fanfuckingtastic. So today I get to go tell the people at the wireless store wtf and throw a fit. I need to get it fixed before the 30 days are up. Well I might not throw a fit but I am definitely not a happy camper. With that I am off for happy trails and will fill you guys in when I am done.

What next?

Yesterday the fine people from the city utilities came out and gave us an energy audit. This is a free service from the city as to make the public power plant more investor/people friendly. Mind you I requested this back in July when things were really bad. But in some defense, that was four hurricanes and a tropical storm ago. For as long as we have lived in this place I had a hunch that there was something up with the a/c (been in this place since May). I mean for a place that is 960 sq ft to have an average $300 utility bill is outrageous (yeah that is like $1500 in the last 6 mos). Last month it finally broke down and we got it fixed which I wrote about earlier. Luckily, the same day it was fixed the city came to read the meter. Hopefully that means we're going to see a lower bill.

Well to get back to the point of the story, the auditor pointed out the obvious: old appliances (17 yrs), bad insulation, and as a twist - a leaky toilet. Seems that this toilet has been leaking for a long time which lead us to have high water/sewer bills but also was a reason that it hid from us. Our bill has a graph feature to show us consumption and cost and there was this steady charge. I figured it was normal. Evidently the auditor was shocked to see numbers that high for only two people living in the house. Weren't we surprised when we realized we overlooked it for so long.

Good news is that we now have proof for the landlord that something is up with the house and it isn't us. Bad news is that on top of the a/c repair he had to take care of last month, the garbage disposal in the sink konked out and the fan in the back office went kaput. We're nervous about how much more to tell the guy before he starts telling us to stop breaking his house. It isn't us, I promise! Oh yeah, we've also got to insulate the water heater in the back so that we're not paying outrageous bills over the winter. Out of all the stuff we've got in the queue to be fixed, the insulation is the least expensive. I don't know what we're going to do. I don't even know how he's going to react when we send him the paper work from the city's audit. I am hoping for a calm understanding but with our luck, he's going to flip out like a ninja. It is wrong that we feel helpless like this and I think I have it all figured out. The guy gives us a great deal on rent and makes us feel bad for complaining about things. Wrong strategy but I think that is what it is. For right now, we're going to do all we can on our own and then deal with telling the landlord about everything later on.

Then we've got the Blazer back which is a new story all together. Might save that one for later.....

Exhausted

No not just exhausted, fucking exhausted. I have no idea why. Must be the recent chaos that has ensued, consuming my life as I know it. Yes, that is also called worry for things I cannot control. I need a vacation. This sucks. I am going to slink behind my cubicle now and take a nap. I doubt anyone will notice. What a way to start the week. I only hope it gets better from here.