Monday blahs
I'm sitting here wondering where the weekend went and how it's already Monday. Seriously, things started out well to really make it a relaxing weekend then *bam* my alarm is going off at o'dark fifteen. I think it was really yesterday that made everything a blur.
Oh well, nothing to do but to move on. A few interesting things of note: other than having this headache that won't give me peace I did get to finish the latest Harry Potter book. Click the link and I know my review is on there somewhere (if you really want to know what I thought about it, the linkage to my Amazon reviews are in the sidebar). Not a bad little read. Once I got into it, the pages just flew by. I think out of all the Potter installments, this one went quickest for me. I am already in anticipation for the last book. Tell me how it all works out and tell me now, lol. One of these days I'll go back and read the entire series to get the complete mythology in my head. Kind of like doing an all day Star Wars marathon or something to that effect.
Check out the Raptor's up and coming popularity. I tell you what, I start blogging and get two other guys on it and they're running with it more than me. Maybe I am meant to be a catalyst rather than a leader. Who knows? I've already decided that I may say many things but only few of them are actually heard. Blogging is therapeutic.
I've been thinking a lot lately about my return to school. Many suggestions have passed my desk and I am taking them all in. Right now the options fall under two categories: Tallahassee and beyond. The way I see it, I am here for at least another 9 months. Best plan is to make the best of it and see what that broohah hah school of my undergraduate years has to offer. The MBA path has made some strong suggestions to me here as of late and I could be done with that in a year. Psych options are a little more muddied at this point for a stay in Tallahassee kind of deal. As for the beyond, the two concentrations of school areas are the midwest and the Carolinas. This kind of surprises me because it fits well into areas I would consider moving to. Right now the big push is to get research time in. I've contacted people up at the undergrad institution and I have one who is willing to work with me. My biggest hurdle now is to come up with a topic I want to research. I've been thinking and I believe the list is capped at a strong five. We'll see. I just know now more than ever that I cannot continue hanging on to my sanity and working for the man in the capacity I am now. Too much wasted brain horsepower.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how this journey of life for me has gone so far. Sure I've done the introspective thing before but I think now more than ever it holds importance as I am approaching one of those greeting card milestones. The one where insurance rates finally let off and car rental places let you become a customer. Some of this has also come to pass because a dear friend of mine and Zipper are also reaching this mark and it has really got me thinking. Goals have taken on a new meaning for me. I suppose they have a more tangible quality that allows me to see what is possible to get done and how much work it will take to get there. I know in the past I had the maturity to accomplish things but I think I've grown even more now to see how I can take small things and let them snowball into larger milestones that more people can appreciate than just me. I pushed too hard to get started. I finally see that now. School before was not up to my usual standards because I tried to make too many people happy and the #1 person on that list wasn't me. I compared my life to others who had completely different paths set for them thinking I could see my path in theirs. Yeah kind of like the cliche putting a circular peg into a square slot. I can only live for me.
This great epiphany of sorts I think is driving Zipper crazy. I'll pick the oddest of times to ask those ponderous questions. Fueled by low self esteem and some helpings of self doubt, my questions fall flatter than jokes at the Comedy Store. I can't help it. I've got to ask these questions or the nagging conscience gets to me by not taking things I am comfortable with for granted. I'll be jealous because I don't want to find out that I've been living in a house of cards and they are crumbling around me. I think that is a lesson we are all too slow to learn. There has to be a point in time where our blinders come off and we see reality for what it is. No longer is it the technicolor dream with bands playing our theme music, it is the true to life colors where the music only comes when we play it. I know that some of this eye opening comes as a function of age and maturity. Ask me a year ago if I was this introspective and I would have given you the classic Raven eyebrow. I mean seriously, if you would have asked me this five years ago I would have had a good hearty laugh at your expense. And this comes from someone who expresses maturity way beyond her years. Go figure.
I now want to hear people say what they mean and mean what they say. I want their actions to speak the words that they don't always say. Give me a token, in word or in deed, that things are going to be better and life is on the up and up. Don't let me rest in the fact that I should know what is intended. I know I am doing my best to hold up my end of this. Believe me it is difficult. But I think when it is all said and done it is worth it. I need to know that the same future I am using as a benchmark is a shared vision. I've seen what happens when things are taken for granted. I want to be reminded of what I have and what it all means.
Little things used to bother me in life. To some extent they still do but I just have a better hold on what I can do about it to make it better. Take this morning. I've got to drive separetly to work because I am going to the dentist today (don't even ask how excited I am about that). I notice that my car is low on gas, the top button of my shirt that never stays button is hanging by a thread and traffic sucks so hard that I am looking to retool my vaccum when I get home to improve its efficiency. Can I change any of these things? Yeah the button. And really when it all boils down to it, that's not all that important. That's what safety pins are made for. I know now that I don't need *things* to make me happy. I can wait for that chance for wish fufilment. Am I losing out now? Maybe but at least I can go about it with solid backing. Should I be in school now? Probably but does that take away the contacts that I have at my job now. It sure does. You can't buy people networking nor can you buy real-world-crappy-job-low-end-of-the-totem- pole-bottom-of-the-food-chain experience. I live for me now. That means I care for others and then take care of myself. I buy 99 cent sharpie minis because I like them and I know that a dollar makes me happier in the long run than winning the lottery could.
Because I am me, I am going to ask stupid questions that make me seem vulnerable. It's a chip in my armor that comes out every once and a while. I will call into question motives and decisions because I see the world differently. There are going to be churlish and surly remarks. I speak faster than I think. There will be blah days because I can't take everything in without shutting my mouth and letting my brain process everything.
Whew that's a lot of stuff for a blah Monday. I didn't really intend on rambling like this. Oh well. I know that there are only a handful of people out there who read this. I doubt it will come as a surprise to them. It has eased my mind to a degree and that's what I think counts the most. Jester and Zipper played a large part in this and I think they both know where they come in. I am just going to sit back, drink my Coke Zero and dread going to the dentist this afternoon. I hope to all the divinities that my insurance will be enough to cover the stuff I need to get done. That's my next stop on the internet. Damn, I've been at this for two whole hours now. I've got a lotta stuff to say.
Oh well, nothing to do but to move on. A few interesting things of note: other than having this headache that won't give me peace I did get to finish the latest Harry Potter book. Click the link and I know my review is on there somewhere (if you really want to know what I thought about it, the linkage to my Amazon reviews are in the sidebar). Not a bad little read. Once I got into it, the pages just flew by. I think out of all the Potter installments, this one went quickest for me. I am already in anticipation for the last book. Tell me how it all works out and tell me now, lol. One of these days I'll go back and read the entire series to get the complete mythology in my head. Kind of like doing an all day Star Wars marathon or something to that effect.
Check out the Raptor's up and coming popularity. I tell you what, I start blogging and get two other guys on it and they're running with it more than me. Maybe I am meant to be a catalyst rather than a leader. Who knows? I've already decided that I may say many things but only few of them are actually heard. Blogging is therapeutic.
I've been thinking a lot lately about my return to school. Many suggestions have passed my desk and I am taking them all in. Right now the options fall under two categories: Tallahassee and beyond. The way I see it, I am here for at least another 9 months. Best plan is to make the best of it and see what that broohah hah school of my undergraduate years has to offer. The MBA path has made some strong suggestions to me here as of late and I could be done with that in a year. Psych options are a little more muddied at this point for a stay in Tallahassee kind of deal. As for the beyond, the two concentrations of school areas are the midwest and the Carolinas. This kind of surprises me because it fits well into areas I would consider moving to. Right now the big push is to get research time in. I've contacted people up at the undergrad institution and I have one who is willing to work with me. My biggest hurdle now is to come up with a topic I want to research. I've been thinking and I believe the list is capped at a strong five. We'll see. I just know now more than ever that I cannot continue hanging on to my sanity and working for the man in the capacity I am now. Too much wasted brain horsepower.
I've been thinking a lot lately about how this journey of life for me has gone so far. Sure I've done the introspective thing before but I think now more than ever it holds importance as I am approaching one of those greeting card milestones. The one where insurance rates finally let off and car rental places let you become a customer. Some of this has also come to pass because a dear friend of mine and Zipper are also reaching this mark and it has really got me thinking. Goals have taken on a new meaning for me. I suppose they have a more tangible quality that allows me to see what is possible to get done and how much work it will take to get there. I know in the past I had the maturity to accomplish things but I think I've grown even more now to see how I can take small things and let them snowball into larger milestones that more people can appreciate than just me. I pushed too hard to get started. I finally see that now. School before was not up to my usual standards because I tried to make too many people happy and the #1 person on that list wasn't me. I compared my life to others who had completely different paths set for them thinking I could see my path in theirs. Yeah kind of like the cliche putting a circular peg into a square slot. I can only live for me.
This great epiphany of sorts I think is driving Zipper crazy. I'll pick the oddest of times to ask those ponderous questions. Fueled by low self esteem and some helpings of self doubt, my questions fall flatter than jokes at the Comedy Store. I can't help it. I've got to ask these questions or the nagging conscience gets to me by not taking things I am comfortable with for granted. I'll be jealous because I don't want to find out that I've been living in a house of cards and they are crumbling around me. I think that is a lesson we are all too slow to learn. There has to be a point in time where our blinders come off and we see reality for what it is. No longer is it the technicolor dream with bands playing our theme music, it is the true to life colors where the music only comes when we play it. I know that some of this eye opening comes as a function of age and maturity. Ask me a year ago if I was this introspective and I would have given you the classic Raven eyebrow. I mean seriously, if you would have asked me this five years ago I would have had a good hearty laugh at your expense. And this comes from someone who expresses maturity way beyond her years. Go figure.
I now want to hear people say what they mean and mean what they say. I want their actions to speak the words that they don't always say. Give me a token, in word or in deed, that things are going to be better and life is on the up and up. Don't let me rest in the fact that I should know what is intended. I know I am doing my best to hold up my end of this. Believe me it is difficult. But I think when it is all said and done it is worth it. I need to know that the same future I am using as a benchmark is a shared vision. I've seen what happens when things are taken for granted. I want to be reminded of what I have and what it all means.
Little things used to bother me in life. To some extent they still do but I just have a better hold on what I can do about it to make it better. Take this morning. I've got to drive separetly to work because I am going to the dentist today (don't even ask how excited I am about that). I notice that my car is low on gas, the top button of my shirt that never stays button is hanging by a thread and traffic sucks so hard that I am looking to retool my vaccum when I get home to improve its efficiency. Can I change any of these things? Yeah the button. And really when it all boils down to it, that's not all that important. That's what safety pins are made for. I know now that I don't need *things* to make me happy. I can wait for that chance for wish fufilment. Am I losing out now? Maybe but at least I can go about it with solid backing. Should I be in school now? Probably but does that take away the contacts that I have at my job now. It sure does. You can't buy people networking nor can you buy real-world-crappy-job-low-end-of-the-totem- pole-bottom-of-the-food-chain experience. I live for me now. That means I care for others and then take care of myself. I buy 99 cent sharpie minis because I like them and I know that a dollar makes me happier in the long run than winning the lottery could.
Because I am me, I am going to ask stupid questions that make me seem vulnerable. It's a chip in my armor that comes out every once and a while. I will call into question motives and decisions because I see the world differently. There are going to be churlish and surly remarks. I speak faster than I think. There will be blah days because I can't take everything in without shutting my mouth and letting my brain process everything.
Whew that's a lot of stuff for a blah Monday. I didn't really intend on rambling like this. Oh well. I know that there are only a handful of people out there who read this. I doubt it will come as a surprise to them. It has eased my mind to a degree and that's what I think counts the most. Jester and Zipper played a large part in this and I think they both know where they come in. I am just going to sit back, drink my Coke Zero and dread going to the dentist this afternoon. I hope to all the divinities that my insurance will be enough to cover the stuff I need to get done. That's my next stop on the internet. Damn, I've been at this for two whole hours now. I've got a lotta stuff to say.
Midnite Raven said it at 10:15 AM
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