Knowing when to say when
No kids, I am not talking about how the perils of jazz and liquor will ruin your life (though I do not at all advocate testing the limits - no joke) or how you should just say no. I am talking about how people can get when they are going through some serious emotional shit and need someone to listen to them so they can work things out. I am no stranger to the drama. Frequently I find myself in a position of being asked to offer advice.
Never one to say that I am a self professed anything, I am usually good at being able to dial it in and specify words of wisdom to the situation at hand. Stuff like answering questions, investigating the what ifs and on those rare occasions being able to see the situation for what it really is and then relating it back without crushing their recovering spirit etc. Like everything else, sometimes I hit my mark and well others I graciously miss. And through all of this I think the best support any friend could give would be to help the person in question to come to their own revelations. It is the greatest reward to watch their emotional evolution and their ability to process what is going on. Through it all you know that it really takes some patience on your part to be able to let them see their way to what's going on around them and not feed it to them.
Advice giving is a risky proposition. You've got to take the high road and be able to be objective especially when you don't want to be. Through all the turmoil you and the person you helped are better for it. Well you hope so at least in most cases. Then there comes the time where you know that a revelation has been made and you're able to interject more of what you really saw going on. That's when you have to know to say when.
I will be more than happy to also admit that there are people out there who have sought out my advice and shunned me because I gave them my honest opinion. I dare not say that these people are too clouded with their wooly veil of misconception but I will say that they are active listeners where they give you the kind nod and uh huh but keep their personal agenda at the forefront. Another group of advice seekers (my wandering brother being the best example) enjoy interjecting their knowledge of what they know and applying it to every situation because there is no chance that they are wrong. Their perception of reality rests solely on the things that they 'deserve' and those that 'they work so hard' to receive known to the rest of us as the shit we work our asses off for and they feel entitled to have just dropped in their lap. Looking back at the descriptions, I suppose the argument could be made that these are just traits of the same kind of people. My degree is only in psychology so I wouldn't know. I wouldn't understand behavioral principles or theories of motivations for different people.
There are many people in this world who go through life living in their own fantasy. Everyone has their own way of expressing it whether it be to wait for opportunities to drop in their lap, taking risks blindfolded, suppressing their emotions in blind ambition and perceived drive and then still there are those who encompass all of those qualities and more. It's hard to sit back and watch some of the missteps that can be made when a person is wearing blinders to reality. You cringe listening to the supposed wisdom that they preach knowing that they are false words and plans with little structural integrity. And the worst part of all is when they apply their shortsightedness to you. Projecting what nuggets of knowledge they think they hold and pelting them at your own shell of reality. Who is right in this case? There is no general rule to be applied universally for this. Looking at my own life and when I am in this situation, most of the time my shell of reality is pretty damn accurate. I know I have been led astray enough times but I've seen the light and know better now. Sure I still make mistakes but I think on them long and hard before embarking on something I am completely unprepared for. It's a shame you can't convey that same idea of knowing when to say when to other people when you see them pursuing something they don't deserve.
I know my life hasn't gone the same direction as I had mapped it out to be. Luckily, I can accept that and be proud of what I have accomplished. I've learned to be true to myself and take what life gives me, even at those times where I have those champagne and caviar dreams on a beer and pretzel budget.
Never one to say that I am a self professed anything, I am usually good at being able to dial it in and specify words of wisdom to the situation at hand. Stuff like answering questions, investigating the what ifs and on those rare occasions being able to see the situation for what it really is and then relating it back without crushing their recovering spirit etc. Like everything else, sometimes I hit my mark and well others I graciously miss. And through all of this I think the best support any friend could give would be to help the person in question to come to their own revelations. It is the greatest reward to watch their emotional evolution and their ability to process what is going on. Through it all you know that it really takes some patience on your part to be able to let them see their way to what's going on around them and not feed it to them.
Advice giving is a risky proposition. You've got to take the high road and be able to be objective especially when you don't want to be. Through all the turmoil you and the person you helped are better for it. Well you hope so at least in most cases. Then there comes the time where you know that a revelation has been made and you're able to interject more of what you really saw going on. That's when you have to know to say when.
I will be more than happy to also admit that there are people out there who have sought out my advice and shunned me because I gave them my honest opinion. I dare not say that these people are too clouded with their wooly veil of misconception but I will say that they are active listeners where they give you the kind nod and uh huh but keep their personal agenda at the forefront. Another group of advice seekers (my wandering brother being the best example) enjoy interjecting their knowledge of what they know and applying it to every situation because there is no chance that they are wrong. Their perception of reality rests solely on the things that they 'deserve' and those that 'they work so hard' to receive known to the rest of us as the shit we work our asses off for and they feel entitled to have just dropped in their lap. Looking back at the descriptions, I suppose the argument could be made that these are just traits of the same kind of people. My degree is only in psychology so I wouldn't know. I wouldn't understand behavioral principles or theories of motivations for different people.
There are many people in this world who go through life living in their own fantasy. Everyone has their own way of expressing it whether it be to wait for opportunities to drop in their lap, taking risks blindfolded, suppressing their emotions in blind ambition and perceived drive and then still there are those who encompass all of those qualities and more. It's hard to sit back and watch some of the missteps that can be made when a person is wearing blinders to reality. You cringe listening to the supposed wisdom that they preach knowing that they are false words and plans with little structural integrity. And the worst part of all is when they apply their shortsightedness to you. Projecting what nuggets of knowledge they think they hold and pelting them at your own shell of reality. Who is right in this case? There is no general rule to be applied universally for this. Looking at my own life and when I am in this situation, most of the time my shell of reality is pretty damn accurate. I know I have been led astray enough times but I've seen the light and know better now. Sure I still make mistakes but I think on them long and hard before embarking on something I am completely unprepared for. It's a shame you can't convey that same idea of knowing when to say when to other people when you see them pursuing something they don't deserve.
I know my life hasn't gone the same direction as I had mapped it out to be. Luckily, I can accept that and be proud of what I have accomplished. I've learned to be true to myself and take what life gives me, even at those times where I have those champagne and caviar dreams on a beer and pretzel budget.
Midnite Raven said it at 4:54 PM
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